Who I am hates who I've been...

Relient K has a song, Who I am hates who I've been. Sometimes, I find that I take this one step further. Sometimes, who I am hates who I am. I think sometimes this is why I fall into long confessory prayers. Certainly I am guilty of great sin, but that's not what I want to spend my prayer time focusing on.

I listened to a sermon recently from 707. The crux of it was that maybe we should stop telling God all about how bad we are. There were two reasons for this, first, it's not productive, but moreover, that's not the person God knows. When God looks at us, he sees Jesus. He doesn't see all the times that I've fallen, not that he's unaware of them, but it's not the part of me that he sees. It's not the part of me that he knows. It's certainly not the part of me that I want to be. The sermon's focus was that rather than telling God who I am, I should be asking God who I am. God knows everything about me, and seems to think that I'm worthwhile. I'd like to know that version of me. The version that God wanted to know. God is Holy. I am not. God who is Holy made a way, at great personal expense, to know me. He wanted this relationship, one which He had no need of, with me, and paid dearly for the privilege.

I've started praying lately that God would show me what he sees in me. A lot of times, when I look in the mirror, I don't see much of value. I've started asking God to show me what I'm missing.